Turkey day

I'm not sure why i have still failed on blogging about the most ridiculous adventure of 2010 for me. I think it was just to real for words to explain. But whatever the matter was, I am now going to try to do it justice here.

If there is a god worth worshipping, it is the Sun. The Sun is tangible, it is real, it gives us life, without it we die. Sounds pretty well like a god to me. Sounds worth worshipping to me. So why celebrate Christmas when we can sacrifice a live animal three days before and then proceed to get belligerently drunk on red wine.

I have long wanted to celebrate the solstice, so decidedly this was the year where I would force my annual Christmas party to fall on the day after the solstice, the first day of the year when the sun is beginning to awaken from its lengthening slumber. Also i decided that if I would be celebrating the existence of the sun, I better do it in style. So I placed an add on used Regina, looking for a live turkey. I had only one reply. It was for a fifty pound turkey. Yes I spelt that word correctly.... a FIFTY pound turkey. Not one to be daunted by the task, I graciously accepted the offer and plans were made to pick up the bird on December 22.

Currency in hand I travelled the forty kilometers to Indian Head at eight pm on the twenty second in my economy sized 1986 Honda Civic. The bird stood waist high. It was a sheer marvel of genetic strength. Beautiful, yet powerful, the bird was wrestled to the trunk of my car in exchange for two twenty dollar bills. Yes, for forty dollars all of my friends would eat a fantastic meal and I would be eating poultry for the next two months.

I then assembled a group of the finest individuals to make the sacrifice. Justin Ludwig, Cam Wenslow and Andrew Love arrived at my door step, red wine in hand, already well on their way to somewhere. The trunk was popped, turkey was bear hugged and walked to my largest wood block in the back yard. Justin played the role of documenter, Cam, the role of supervisor, and Andrew held down the most Heinous role of all, that of the executioner. While hesitant at first, Andrew played out his role fantastically. With one clean swipe of the machete, the wrist sized neck came detached from the body. If you have ever seen what a chicken does when its head is chopped off, simply imagine what a fifty pound turkey does and you will realize the horror that ensued.

The bird was then cleaned up and the four of us got mightily rip roaring drunk to celebrate. Hungover, i awoke to a turkey that overflowed the pan and barely fit into my oven. Eight hours the beast would pass in the oven, and still it would not be fully cooked deep inside. Regardless, the bird was taken out and a feast for the ages was served somewhere on 1400 block Mctavish while half way around the world the sun was smiling down at the earth.