Torch River 2012. Day 1.

If the river does not swallow you whole, the mosquitos and horse flies will carry you away.

After building a pirate ship the year before and sailing down the North Saskatchewan River, I looked towards our annual trip with bated breath. Joe suggested I expect nothing and there would be no way for me to be disapointed. Well he was right in one respect, I didn't take his advice and throw away my expectations, but when the time came I was far from being dissatisfied. The Torch River is located just past the North Saskatchewan river and runs from Candle Lake to the Cumberland Delta area of the Saskatchewan River. I settled on the Torch River for this year's trip because it would be big enough to handle three canoes and it occupies just the right amount of remoteness for the kind of trouble we generally like to advance on these trips. The journey started on Wednesday with the drive up and positioning of the vehicles. The weather on the trip up was very unkind, and if I believed in premonitions I probably would have opted to book myself into a nice bed and breakfast. Thundering winds challenged the canoe trailer but as we made it to the bush, things seemed to die down. We would make it without any major setbacks. We dropped off most of the men and the gear under the bridge on the Hanson Lake road and three of us took off to drop off a vehicle at the end. As we pulled away, my pooch, Le Petit quickly took off after us, so I let him in the vehicle. Apparently when this happens you should tell the rest of your crew so that they do not spend the next 3 hours searching for a dog that isn't there, while neglecting setting up any semblance of a camp. Oh well, the bridge would hold up against rain, and if you get drunk enough, I have been told, you can snore away the sound of mosquitos. side note: camping under a bridge like a homeless person does not work well. Smoke has nowhere to travel other than into your lungs, and logging trucks are pretty fucking loud when they roll down the black top. I guess I did not get drunk enough, and neither did Brett. We were up with sun around three thirty and began preparing for the first day on the water. The journey began with tame waters and cloudless skies. After a few mid-morning water pops, we set up shop on a beach to make pasta and a pirate ship. We based our vessel on last year's model, with slight upgrades, after realizations of design flaws with the previous boat. The sail would prove to be pretty useless on most of the Torch, because the river is often doubling back on its self. Making for very busy sailing,

While the sail proved to be as useless as the Wall governments new film industry incentives, the raft itself would be as invaluable to our health and safety as the past fifty years of Medicare. Three canoes strapped side by side become an unsinkable force, a miniature Titanic if you will, housing a few less bow ties but just as much wine. Onward the unsinkable ship would go, plowing over boulders, frightening moose and smashing through log jams. The log jams were pretty fun. Simply find the lynch pin and start hacking away. When the whole pile starts moving, it is time to get off. While we conquered one jam, a larger dam would send us back up river to find the easier route where high water had been forced to blast a short cut through the bank. With boat in hand and beer fueled adrenalin, nothing would stand in our way. As the light began dwindling on day one, the water was becoming increasingly fierce, and the prospect of a camp site was not looking so swell. Eventually as the light was just beginning to fade, I spotted a stand of Jack Pine on the north side of the river. There I knew we would find good camping. A Jack Pine forest tends to have little underbrush when compared to the thick bushes of a mixed wood stand.

Rope in hand we jumped ashore and pulled the invisible E-brake. Trying to stop the momentum of three canoes on a fast portion of the river is no easy task. We would dock just in time though and would not be disapointed. With food in our bellies, we passed out to awake for a second day battling the waters of the North Country.